You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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