Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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