my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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