So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
