I want you more than these girls want KFC
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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