What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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