Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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