I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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