Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
