Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
