just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
