thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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