I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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