they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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