Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
