That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You ruined the universe
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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