I feel great
I just peed on a car
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
