How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
