She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
