people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
