I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize