Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the jesus of drinking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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