Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize