:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
