so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
