even my farts smell like vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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