OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
