i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
