I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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