Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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