I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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