I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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