Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
