Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize