sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
