Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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