Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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