haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
