Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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