Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
