I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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