Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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