Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
