East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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