Sry I called you an 8
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
