I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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