She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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