I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
