I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
