i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
