um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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