there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They took my balls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
