i just wanna soil my oats bro
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have started to decorate penises.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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