just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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