i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
