just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
