I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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