when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
