haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
