i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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