Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
