batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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