I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
