if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
