we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
