How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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