It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
