I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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