We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
