it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
