I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize