How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
