listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
