it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I want is dick and wine.
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