Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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