Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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