He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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