Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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