he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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