if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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