I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize