i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
