Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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