afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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