He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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