I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
