oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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