just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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