So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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