I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Screwed.edu
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
