Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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