i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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