smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I just put wine in my tea
Randomize
