Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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