Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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