sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
