No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
