I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
