i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
