I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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