I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
