Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
