end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize